Umm I'm too high to move.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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