So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
