I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
