i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do vagina's smell?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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