Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
