I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
