You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
