She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
