Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
