If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
