If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
