I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
