Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
