i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
