Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
