He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
