I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
