so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
