I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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