I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think we might need a safe word for this...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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