Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
