Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
