i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
