if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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