well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
