we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
