i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
