Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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