I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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