and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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