My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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