I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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