I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
