Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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