I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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