There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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