My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
