Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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