I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
