home. puking in laundry basket.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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