I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
