I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Non-Jews are for practice
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
FUCK WHALES
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