U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
