hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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