Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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