you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
