My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
