Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So many bounce houses so little time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
