My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
