if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
